Some status update
I haven’t been updating this blog for a while! Thing have been going well with life, but extremely busy. My new role at work is going well, while the baby has moved into a toddler phase. He’s walking, babbling (not quite talking in a language yet, but we’re not worried), and super fun to be with.
After he turned 1, I started to feel more and more like a parent, like I’m raising a human being that can think, has a personality, has his wants and needs and free will. Before this, I felt like I was just doing things to keep him alive in a most optimized way. I enjoy it much more now, but at the same time, I don’t feel as often that I have “figured something out”; I feel like sharing what I learned constantly, but I don’t feel that I have figured out anything :)
Different options and comparison
As usual, I’m going to make a table of comparison of different options. Note that I’ve only tried nanny, nanny share, and daycares, so the information are from my connections and internet research, so they might not represent all of the caregivers!
| Care Option | Description | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|---|
| Au-pair | This is to hire someone, usually from another country, and age <26, to live at your home and care for your child(ren). | Actually very low costSuper flexible schedulesChild gets individual attentionChild doesn’t get sick that often | A non-family member living in your house Au pairs can’t work too many hours a week, so if you’re busy you end up needing a nanny+au pairSome au-pairs are very young and inexperiencedNot so much socialization with kids |
| Nanny | This is to hire someone that lives outside of your home and comes during your work hours to provide care. | The most convenient Flexible schedulesNo need for accomodation They cook and do laundryChild doesn’t get sick all the time | Being someone’s employer sucksVery expensiveGoing on vacation is tricky |
| Nanny Share | This is for 2 or 3 families sharing a nanny. | Flexible schedules depending on the share familiesChild gets attention shared only between 2-3 kidsNo need for accomodation Child gets some socialization but still not getting sick often | Being someone’s employer sucksVery difficult to have all families on the same pageWho will host? Who provides food? etc. |
| Daycare (in-home) | Generally between 4-14 kids at someone’s home | Lots of activities and socializationGenerally provides foodAbout half the price you pay for nannyNot having to be an employer is awesome | Lots of germs and sicknessHave to deal with drop-off and pickupNo laundry :( |
| Pre-school | This is generally for kids 1.5+ or 2.5+. | Most structure provided since kids are olderTeachers usually have more training for child developmentLots of socialization and activitiesUsually more space than home setting | Bring your own lunchThere may be bullying!Pick up and drop offThe wait list can be very long |
What we ended up doing and how we learned to embrace change
I thought childcare is one of those things that once you figured it out, it’s done. But it totally isn’t. Things change, your childcare provider’s availbility changes, and your job and your child also changes. So there’s not really a “what we ended up doing”, but it’s going to be a journey and a constant, ongoing battle that you can go with the flow and embrace change.
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We started with a nanny since our son was 3 months old to 1 year old. We really appreciated having her since she loves very young babies, she was the one that “trained” him to eat solids, cooked all the blended food for him and froze them for our weekend use. We were so new to all the parenting stuff, we really needed a coach. She was expensive (just like every nanny), but we appreciated having her a lot. When our son was turning 1, we started to notice that he was craving for a lot more intellectual stimulation like reading books, doing puzzles, and also really craves playing with other kids. We decided that it was time to transition into a daycare. We did give our nanny a 3 month notice, since it takes a while for them to find another family to move onto.
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During our time with our nanny, we did a month or two of nanny share with another family. It was great while it lasted! Our son was 6 months old and the other child was about 1.5 year old. They were quite different in age, but our nanny was OK with the arrangement since their feeding and nap schedules match up each others. The reason it didn’t last long was because the three parties (us, the other family, and the nanny) really didn’t communicate well. There were money issues, hour issues, vacation issues, etc. We liked each other and liked the setting since it was mutually beneficial and saves us money, but eventually it had sadly come to a stop.
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We only saw two daycares and loved one of them. It was small (only 4-6 kids and 1.5 adults), cozy, very loving. We really do love everything about them. Our son florished in their care and was happy playing with other kids there. It was quite an adjustment for us since we had to change our schedule to waking up at 7, feed him breakfast at 7:15, and getting out the door at 7:30 so we can drop him off at 7:35 and catch our ferry commute. Quite a morning routine! Also we’re given a week’s worth of laundry every Friday and have to return them clean on Monday. However, we really loved it since it gives us a structure in our lives, and it was lovely to see our son grow with their care. Unfortunately, they had to abruptly close due to various reasons, we are so sad! But again, realizing child care is something that keeps changing, and we have to embrace it.
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As we put our eyes on another daycare, we realized maybe this is a good chance to test out having our son go to a preschool. We noticed that he’s developing very well and really craves for more - he’s starting to pick up words from 3 languages (English, Mandarin, and Spanish, although he still speaks his alien language) and always curious about everything around him. I started to realize that he might be ready to take on more. Some preschools take kids as young as 18 months, but they are super hard to get in. We put our names down for one that we absolutely love; but we are very likely going to find another daycare while we wait for an opening from that school or other schools.
What I learned to be thankful for
While I realized childcare is always an ongoing battle, I also learned to appreciate the chances that these transitions bring us. For example, between #2 and #3 we took 2 weeks off, one to stay at home and do a stay-cation and one to take a big road trip all the way to Oregon with the 1 year old and the dog. It was SO FUN! Right now we are between #3 and #4, and even though I haven’t found a solution for #4 yet, we’re taking a week of tag-teaming childcare, being we’re each taking a day or half day off to care for our son while the other person tries to go to work. It’s difficult, but we’re both realizing it gives us a chance to spend a lot of time with our son who is in a really fun and cute age; also because of the limited time we get to spend at work, we become more efficient. Early this week I just took him on a Christmas pageant at a church where he was the cutest shepard ever, while my husband took him on a long stroll in San Francisco exploring Union Square and visiting all the playgrounds and shops. It’s absolutely tiring as he’s now mobile enough to get into trouble, but doesn’t understand our commands yet; so for that morning in the church, I was literally on my knees crawling around the entire church trying to grab this little guy all over the place. And in a week, we’ll go to Taiwan again for a month so my parents can provide childcare while we can work and at the same time figure out what our long term childcare solution is.
It’s stressful some times, but again, we’re embracing it and enjoying the chaos and fun it comes with all these.