Today I learned that a friend of a friend likes my blog! It always makes me very happy to hear someone likes it. So I decided to write another post :)
My baby is now a toddler! He’s walking, running, talking, interacting, understanding, and generally a real person. It’s so much more fun this way compared to when he was a newborn. It is quite tiring since he is so full of energy all the time, but I really like this stage!
I didn’t expect this - but I really quite like being a mom! Funnily I’m looking back at a bit over a year ago I posted something about how I embraced being a mom, and I smiled and thought I’d never imagined entering this phase of really loving it.
To be honest, other than the “wow I have to tolerate this tantrum? this is aweful” moments, there are some benefits of being a mom that I had no idea before:
1. You enter this “club” even in the professional (women, but men also) circle.
Before I even got pregnant, I had some friends that told me that the best professional gossips come from the nursing room at work. While my office’s nursing rooms are only 2 people max and is very private, I still managed to meet a new friend there and we still meet regularly for lunch.
But I was surprised to discover when I went to a conference last year, during all the happy hours/social mixers/conference sessions, it was a plus when socializing to mention I have a 1-yo child. Other women, usually more senior and more advanced in their careers, started to ask me how I’m doing, what I’m doing with childcare, and share their stories. Similar to “everyone loves to share their love story”, it seemed like everyone loves to talk about their kids and the current struggles they’re going through. It was similar to a “you have a dog? me too! What kind of dog???” kind of situation, a perfect shared interest and experience, therefore building a connection immediately. I was also super happy to learn from everyone how they raised their children while working. And since I’m in science/engineering field, I ask everyone how/if they tried to teach their own kids math/science (pretty much everyone did). One professor who I collaborate with, shared with me how he plays/invents these math games with his kids and they are super fun. He also was the one to tell me I don’t have to feel guilty about not spending enough time with my son, since he says “the value of your time isn’t that high at this stage, but make sure you spend a lot of time with him at age 3-5!”.
2. You get “mom points” from your child no matter what.
I have to admit, I’m a pretty lazy mom. My husband does more work with our child than I do, but I play with him a lot and try to explain everything to him, and he seems to like to listen to all my stories. Still, when he needs something, Dad is usually the one to give him the things he wants.
But even so, my son still loves me as his mom. It’s so cute. He comes over, hugs me, and buries his head in my legs. Or he comes over, stares steadily at me for a while, “like a little boyfriend checking on me” as I describe, and I ask him if he wants a hug, then he gives a big smile and puts his head on my shoulder.
That’s when I realized, wow, even me, a lazy mom, get this “mom points” from my son. This is pretty unfair because Dad doesn’t always get his fair share of hugs and he sometimes gets jealous.
I do hope I can still provide this comfort when he’s older, like in college and got dumped by someone. I hope I still get “mom points” from him and can give him a hug to make him feel better.
3. Everyone thinks you’re a hardworking mom, juggling between family and work, whether it’s true or not.
Just like the world usually blames the mom when the child is noisy or ill-behaved, they usually praise the mom when the child is good. I get a lot of “wow he’s so good, great job, mom!” while I really didn’t do anything.
People also assume that I do more childcare, while working. So they give me a lot of praise. At the same time, I also always make sure they give the same credit to my husband who covers more childcare than I do, cooks pretty much all the dinners (I do dishes), taking care of our son while I’m on week long business trips, etc. I do some stuff, but I don’t deserve all the credit.
4. You get to watch this little human grow up and be a huge part of it.
The actual being-a-mom stuff is really enjoyable. You actually get to decide on how you want to raise your child and watch him blossem.
My son surprises me every day in this current phase. He’s picking up new words in both Chinese and English, and figuring things out rapidly. The other day, my husband set up a “station” in the living room for the little human, with a tree trunk as his table and a paper box as his chair. He loves it. I made this soymilk that he really likes and I decided to serve him his soymilk at his own table. Watching him excitedly sit down at his seat, sipping his soymilk, and enjoying his cheerios at the same time, it was like watching a cuter version of myself enjoying coffee and pastries at a cafe. Then he finished his soymilk, ran to the kitchen and demanded “mo! mo! mo!" meaning he wants more. Then I served him more soymilk, then we repeated this routine maybe 20 times, with all of us laughing with excitement and having fun. We enjoyed that afternoon so much I wanted to write it down. Pictures and videos don’t do justice, only the memory of the moment does.
Honestly, the last point is the real benefit of parenthood. I didn’t know I would like it so much. But I really do cherish all these little moments.